Recently I spoke with my mentor Ozias about my recent engagement, and about what life is like after being married. We addressed the reality of money in marriage, and I asked Ozias whether he thought that all things money are easier before marriage, or after it. Ozias said he thought that money matters get harder after marriage, with as many costs (insurance, rent, food, relaxation) as there are and with the difficulty that there inevitably is in making spending decision together.
My intuition was the opposite, that things would get easier on a money front once married. It seems unlikely that I'm the right one, given that he's married - part of my complex is that I can't really imagine making forty thousand dollars a year, much less living with someone else who is also making forty thousand dollars a year. Rent can actually go down overall when one gets married, making the cost of a one bedroom apartment go down by half. Food costs likely double, but food just doesn't ever cost all that much, especially in comparison to rent. Insurance goes up too, but it may not change much at all with an employer-sponsored program. Taxes don't change much from 40k from and individual to 80k for a household, and doubling our income is just invaluable. I've figured that if I save rather carefully, I could successfully save enough to pay my loan debt even before I will be required to start paying my loans off two and a half years from now (as a consequence of my work with Teach for America). All this is just in my gut, and I do have a hard time doubting my gut usually.
Dr. Christina Bieber-Lake spoke today in chapel a little bit about gender, sexuality, and sex, and she spoke in particular about how our human frailty pours into these categories, and how Jesus fills the void into which we pour our identity, the void we thought was gender. She discussed the way broader culture has come to think of these categories as indulgent, and provided the #MeToo movement as a standard of proof for the truth of that condition of our society. The speech got me thinking back to my conversation with Ozias, because it helps me to recognize that the way my fiancee and I think about Christ. The way we treat one another, regardless of the subject of the treatment, I believe we ought to honor Christ with the specific content of our actions with regard to our personal Christian relationship; I believe this is true because of what Dr. Bieber-Lake said, and I believe it will be difficult because of the conversation I had with Ozias. What could make money decisions so hard with so much money to spend? An inability to love Christ and my spouse. Accordingly, setting up the habits of Christian life which permit me to accept Christ's love and act consistently with it are what will ultimately determine whether my spouse and I are honoring God and enjoying doing so.
My intuition was the opposite, that things would get easier on a money front once married. It seems unlikely that I'm the right one, given that he's married - part of my complex is that I can't really imagine making forty thousand dollars a year, much less living with someone else who is also making forty thousand dollars a year. Rent can actually go down overall when one gets married, making the cost of a one bedroom apartment go down by half. Food costs likely double, but food just doesn't ever cost all that much, especially in comparison to rent. Insurance goes up too, but it may not change much at all with an employer-sponsored program. Taxes don't change much from 40k from and individual to 80k for a household, and doubling our income is just invaluable. I've figured that if I save rather carefully, I could successfully save enough to pay my loan debt even before I will be required to start paying my loans off two and a half years from now (as a consequence of my work with Teach for America). All this is just in my gut, and I do have a hard time doubting my gut usually.
Dr. Christina Bieber-Lake spoke today in chapel a little bit about gender, sexuality, and sex, and she spoke in particular about how our human frailty pours into these categories, and how Jesus fills the void into which we pour our identity, the void we thought was gender. She discussed the way broader culture has come to think of these categories as indulgent, and provided the #MeToo movement as a standard of proof for the truth of that condition of our society. The speech got me thinking back to my conversation with Ozias, because it helps me to recognize that the way my fiancee and I think about Christ. The way we treat one another, regardless of the subject of the treatment, I believe we ought to honor Christ with the specific content of our actions with regard to our personal Christian relationship; I believe this is true because of what Dr. Bieber-Lake said, and I believe it will be difficult because of the conversation I had with Ozias. What could make money decisions so hard with so much money to spend? An inability to love Christ and my spouse. Accordingly, setting up the habits of Christian life which permit me to accept Christ's love and act consistently with it are what will ultimately determine whether my spouse and I are honoring God and enjoying doing so.
I think you struck the truth that we learn in our macro econ classes here at Wheaton. As our wages or total value go up, we almost immediately find ways to spend that money and extra resources and this can be good and bad. It can raise our overall level of utility and ability to buy things, but it can also make us more money and thing oriented than people oriented. I would encourage you to still think about money in the way you do. Money post marriage doesn't have to be harder if you already save and work to cover your debts rather than go further into debt to start a family.
ReplyDeleteFinances are certainly an important consideration in marriage! The difficult is likely not going to be in having enough to get by-- It'll be found in deciding what matters most. As Jonathan pointed out, more money doesn't mean any less problems. It simply means a different variety. An interesting thought I ran into the other day in a David Platt book-- it's important to establish amount that is "enough" for us. Say, enough to pay bills, raise a family, put away money for retirement and kids' college, etc. After that point, it makes sense not for your standard of living to improve with each dollar spent, but for your standard of giving to grow. Many studies point to between $75,000 and $100,000 as the "cap," after which there are no real happiness benefits per dollar earned. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
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